my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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