I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
