I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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