You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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