Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee

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(503): View more from Oregon

I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed

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(847): View more from Illinois

sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.

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(248): View more from Michigan

today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...

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(203): View more from Connecticut

She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.

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(269): View more from Michigan

I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are

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