I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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