On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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