i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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