i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
