you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
