why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
