Need sex. Gaining weight.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
