Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
