Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
