would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
