My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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