i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
