you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
