I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
