I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
