I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
