Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
