You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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