At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
