I CAN MOONWALK!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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