Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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