She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
