Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
