He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
