Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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