3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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