Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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