grandma shit on top of the toilet
the condom got lost in my hair
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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