I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
