Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My vagina just clenched in fear
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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