I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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