I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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