Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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