I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
