I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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