I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
