so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
