Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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