wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
