I want to have your abortion
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my being single is dangerous.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
