So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
