okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
