Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
