your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
