No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
