We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
