Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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