Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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