So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
