i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
