When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
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For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
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Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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