I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
