there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
