Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
