seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
