You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
