Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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