i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
there is glitter all over my balls
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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