A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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