I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dicks are not precious.
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