I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
