Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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