hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
