Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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