The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So many bounce houses so little time
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
