Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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