I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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