How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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