Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
