He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
