A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
