Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
