Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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