so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
