I wish I could punch you in the face.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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