you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
