The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
